Everybody says it.....every year.....New Year....New Me ...yet most times we fall short and fail miserably at our new year's resolutions. This year....I'm not making resolutions. I'm making promises to myself....many promises...so at least if I fall short, I can look back on those promises and realize that I am NOT a failure...and cross off the ones I managed to accomplish, and revisit the ones that I did not. Perhaps the ones that I did not accomplish were not as important as I thought they were. Perhaps I didn't try hard enough....perhaps its just not what God had planned for me.
Far too often, we look at our failures instead of our accomplishments. I am the worst.
I'm not pretty enough, I'm not skinny enough, Im not interesting, or funny, and most times, not really even good company. I'm not the best mother....I expect too much from my children and don't know how to live a life where I am not needed. I'm resentful towards those who have left me behind or hurt me, and when something bad happens, the words "Karma is a bitch" taste like vinegar as they fall from my mouth. I think it...and within the same thought beg God's forgiveness and beg him to remove the ugly thoughts and feelings from my heart. I'm terrible with money, I make poor choices, and give others far too many "second" chances. I isolate myself because of fear of being rejected, and I stand frozen....afraid to branch out and try new things for fear of failure. I do my best to live a God driven life, but fall short daily. My prayer life is phenominal when things are bad...I rest comfortably in my Father's unconditionally loving arms when I need comfort...but falter when things go well. I search endlessly for purpose, but when I find none....I bury my head in the comfort and safety of my bed, wasting each day and each possibility for fulfillment that God continually provides.
I - AM HUMAN....and not a very good one at that.
So...this year - instead of making resolutions...I make promises. Promises to be a better me...the one God has intended for me to be. Promises to be a better Mother, Friend, and promises to do my best to see myself with the eyes that God see's me.
I PROMISE TO IMPROVE MY PRAYER LIFE AND MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD
I PROMISE TO REACH OUT TO THOSE WHOM I HAVE SHUT MYSELF AWAY FROM, AND LET DOWN THE WALLS THAT KEEP ME FROM BEING A BETTER FRIEND
I PROMISE TO TAKE BETTER CARE OF MYSELF, BOTH MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY
I PROMISE TO BE A BETTER MOTHER...LETTING MY CHILDREN LIVE THEIR ADULT LIVES WITHOUT INTERFERING, AND LEARNING TO PRACTICE TOUGH LOVE WHEN NECESSARY.
I PROMISE TO FACE MY FEARS AND TRY SOMETHING NEW IN SEARCH OF A PURPOSE
I PROMISE TO GIVE MORE OF ME...WHILE EXPECTING NOTHING IN RETURN.
Thank you heavenly father for bringing me through another year, and for each day that you give me the opportunity to be who you have designed me to be.
NEW YEAR......BETTER ME!!!!
